Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

Yes. There are things I’m afraid to tell you. I share (perhaps over-share) quite a bit with you, but there are still things I elect not to say…usually. But I saw Jess Constable’s Things I’m Afraid to Tell You that made her any of us—not just a mythical entrepreneur with a fantastic life—and then Ez Pudewa‘s challenge, and I figured I’d buck up.

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You // Curating Style

  • I worry a lot. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. I mostly worry that I’ll never produce anything meaningful and that I’ll never change the world. (Then I curse myself for having majored in Religion and thinking I could bring about peace to the Israelis and Palestinians.)
  • I hate two foods—oatmeal and quinoa. (It’s a texture thing.) Quinoa also smells like fish to me. I feel like revealing this to the blogging community could have me roasted on a spit, given foodies’ obsession with this (disgusting) complete protein.
  • Two things that freak me out? Marriage and growing old alone. Both sound scary, in different ways.
  • I spent many nights of many months crying during two separate periods in my life (both as an adult). I hope that these are over. Once, I lived in Egypt. The other time, I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place (about work and career).
  • I have fallen out of love with running. This is perhaps the hardest thing to reveal. I used to define myself as a runner. I used to find it exhilarating, refreshing, and fun. Running four miles was a breeze, especially before breakfast—nine or ten were the hard ones. Now I can barely squeeze two out without one (or several) walking breaks. I’ve almost stopped completely, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get my mojo back.
  • I’m not politically correct. I know how to be (hey, remember—Religion and IR girl), but if you know me well, you know that I’m the least PC person ever.
  • Preppy is by its very nature exclusive. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a losing end, especially with breaking through to my target audience.

What are some things you’re afraid to tell?

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56 Responses to Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

  1. Sierra says:

    I am with you on the worrying and crying periods. I have a big lack of self-confidence and it keeps me from pursuing my dreams. And I also have my ups & downs but depression isn’t widely understood, so it’s kind of taboo to talk about. People think it’s all in your head or can be cured with diet and exercise. Some people are able to cope with their depression that way, but not everyone can.

    P.S. Can I ask why you have chosen to identify yourself as a prep? It’s kind of interesting to me. :)

    • Jess says:

      I feel like clinical depression is so prevalent these days—not sure why it’s so taboo. Thanks for sharing, Sierra; it means a lot. I’ve never been depressed (I don’t think…) but I’ve certainly had some low times. Being in a place where I didn’t quite fit in and feeling in limbo with my career really shook me.

      For me, prep is more about style and mindset. For others, it’s a “the way I was raised” thing. Maybe I should go into this some more in a future blog post, since it’s a really good question!

  2. Cecilia says:

    Minus the quinoa & oatmeal part, I feel like I could have written this post myself. I guess you did XC and track in middle/high school, too? Running was the only thing I was ever good at back then. After years of pounding the pavement, my knees have gotten weak and I’ve lost my love for running, too. It’s sad, but thankfully I picked up a new love — yoga!

    I think it’s important to keep a regular exercise, balanced diet, and sufficient sleep regimen. I’m plagued by similar worrying/crying spells (unfortunately pretty often, to the point that they’re affecting my career) and I’ve found that having structure in all aspects of my life has helped. And I’m sure as a runner you know the benefits of endorphins. :)

    Preppy to me is more than just how you dress or how you present yourself to an audience (online or otherwise). I don’t think it’s a title exclusive to those who can afford $990 shirts (yes, that was a direct hit at Ann Romney’s OOTD choice the other day) or have like 19 KJP bracelets. I think it’s a mindset. Sure, I was raised on boats and horses and in country clubs, but I was also raised to always say “thank you” and “God bless you” and that good table manners would get me far in life. My mom taught me to love the earth and from that I gained an appreciation for quality clothing that I wouldn’t have to throw away after a year. In college, she told me to dress up on test days because if my studying failed, at least I’d look good while I was taking the exam. It may have been silly, but turning in a solid mechanics exam wearing a dress while my peers are in their pajamas gained a nice level of respect from the professor, regardless of what I’d just turned in on paper. Ultimately, I think being a prep is about being a self-actualized, well-mannered, and well-dressed individual. People will respect these qualities and admire you. And I must say I admire you and your blog very much! :) As always, thanks for the read and keep up the great work!

    • Jess says:

      Thank you so much, C. I also love yoga, and really need to get back into it! I have no excuse, really. I hope things improve with your situation (career-wise and with worrying). *hug*

      Expect a blog post about “the meaning of prep” soon. I’ve been thinking on it for some time now.

  3. Allie says:

    I’m afraid that I’m doing all of this work for nothing and sacrificing too much in the process. I don’t have a secret formula on how to work two (essentially full time) jobs.

    Thanks for being honest, Jess. Can’t wait to catch up tonight!

    • Jess says:

      I don’t think you’re doing it for nothing! Just preparing for the future. But juggling two essentially full-time jobs sounds insanely hard, just in terms of hours (let alone actual work). I have faith that you’ll stick with it, though.

      Can’t wait to catch up too!

  4. Jacqueline says:

    I’m afraid that one day I’m going to look back and wonder what my mark was? I see so many people around me making their marks, and sometimes I feel like I’m just assisting their dreams and along the way I’ve forgotten my own.

    What we’re afraid of is big, scary stuff. And hard to admit… thank you for posting this. Got me thinking.

    Have a wonderful day, dear.

  5. Rose says:

    Thanks for sharing (just started reading your blog, by the way). I have tons of anxiety. I think any person could see that from a mile away, but I do some really whacko things at home when I’m alone and anxious. Just mainly OCD tendencies. And then people compliment me on how organized my room is. Meanwhile, I’ve been hyperventilating and crying while vacuuming.

  6. Andrea says:

    I don’t like quinoa either. Totally texture thing, same reason I don’t like couscous. Ick! I can eat quinoa if it’s mixed in something, like oats (haha!) but on it’s own, no thanks.

    • Jess says:

      I do love couscous, but quinoa is strange. It has that weird germ thing that curls out, and I swear it smells like fish. Urgh.

      • candace m. says:

        ha! since i have celiac, i eat a decent amount of quinoa. i like it–but i do refer to the germ as the “quinoa weiner.”

        sometimes i wish i was afraid to tell people things. then i wouldn’t have just spent a whole minute typing out a message about how i am 29 years old and can’t stop making weiner jokes.

        • Jess says:

          Hahaha. It’s OK. I have the humor of a 12-year-old boy. I think the texture, taste, and germ just make quinoa utterly unappealing for me. I’d probably have to get used it if I had a gluten intolerance though. The horror! I would live off corn and rice instead.

  7. I’m actually allergic to oats — how weird it that? I’m not severely allergic, but I do get a minor reaction. And I can definitely relate to the worrying, I’m prone to anxiety. I’m also afraid of growing old — I don’t really think I want to live long enough to go in a nursing home. And I don’t want children, though many people say I’ll change my mind when I get older/get married, I don’t really see that happening.

    Re: being preppy — I don’t really identify myself as a prep and I still love your blog.

    • Jess says:

      Do you have a gluten sensitivity, maybe? I’m also a bit fearful of growing old. I think the worst thing ever would be getting Alzheimer’s. Somehow that scares me more than things like cancer and heart disease. I know part of life is suffering (…I’m Catholic, that’s my only explanation for that last bit), but it sounds terrible. Aging is frightening.

      Re: children, I’m a bit perturbed about the idea of something growing inside, to be honest.

      And thanks, Lisa! I love your blog too, and it’s great to interact and be blogger buddies with people outside the “genre.”

  8. I’ll be sharing this evening as well (I was silly and wrote my post in a text file that’s at home). I actually speak about the “depression worry thing” as well. You aren’t alone and the more we are open about it, share, and open our minds to the small things that get us through the day will get us on the track to being where we want to be in life.

    For example – one of the things that gets me through the day, especially after posting on the blog, is waiting for a comment of yours to come in. I want to know what you think and in a way hearing it, makes me continue forward in my blog, you inspire me to keep writing.

    *hugs*

    • Jess says:

      I can’t wait to read yours, Heather. And thank you so much—that was one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me. Comments have such a big impact on the way I feel about reading, so I definitely understand. And your blog is beautiful! I’m so glad it’s back.

  9. i worry. i am a worrier.

    good work, girl.

  10. When it comes to worrying about changing the world, remember the degrees of separation: people you’ve introduced to each other, work you’ve completed for others, doors you’ve held open for strangers, pennies dropped in charity dishes by cash registers… the pieces are scattered everywhere and difficult to put together, but the picture they form is breathtaking.

    • Jess says:

      I know. This is a great reminder! Sometimes it’s hard to step back and get some perspective, because the little things do count. Piecing them together is the key.

  11. hannah says:

    courageous, girl. so glad you shared! xo

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  14. Meg says:

    I wrote for Ez’s challenge also and weirdly enough used it as a time to work out some quinoa related frustrations, too. Loved this post.

  15. Thank you so much for sharing! Love your blog and I love this post – it’s been so fun to read all of these posts today. I too, worry A LOT!

  16. Rhianne says:

    I love that you mentioned running – I first started running last year and loved it but I took a break over Christmas and even though I’ve really tried to get into it again, it just doesn’t feel right… perhaps my running experience was meant to be brief lol. Growing older freaks me out too.

    Great post, thanks for sharing!x

    • Jess says:

      Thanks, Rhianne! I’m hoping to get back into it. I actually was supposed to run a 10K this weekend (failed to train…as is probably obvious) but I did pull it together and run the 5K. I’m still a little stiff and sore today, but perhaps with time and full honesty with myself I’ll get back to it. Good luck to you!

  17. karlita says:

    Thanks so much for your honesty! except from oatmeal I relate to all of your points. Your blog is wonderful! have a great weekend Jess!

  18. jamie says:

    “Two things that freak me out? Marriage and growing old alone. Both sound scary, in different ways.”
    this is exactly how i feel… and i’ve never heard anyone describe it like that.

    thank you… and you’re not alone!

  19. I’ve been thinking about doing one of these posts too, and my distain for quinoa is at the top of my list of confessions!

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